If you have hit upon this post in the hope of answers to the above I fear you will be dreadfully disappointed. Unless my lovely readers can leave me some helpful comments. *Hopeful stare.* This is less of a post and more of a plea.
Someone must know what to do.
I kind of suspect Mr B and I may have brought this upon ourselves. You see we made the fateful mistake of being…
SMUG PARENTS.
You know the ones. The ones with the child that SLEEPS. And EATS EVERYTHING you give him. And SMILES ALL THE TIME, at EVERYONE.
The ones you secretly hate.
We WERE those parents.
When your child was having a meltdown in the restaurant or a tantrum in the aisles we would smile, SMUGLY, to each other, silently congratulating ourselves on being such awesome parents with our perfect child. We didn’t need to say it aloud. One doesn’t need to brag. We were happy and SMUG in the knowledge that we were doing a great job and all was rosy.
You may have noticed the use of the past tense.
You will no doubt be delighted to know, and I do understand as I too want to slap our previous smug-selves around the head, that our perfect little world has recently exploded.
It would appear W may have hit what is commonly known as the ‘Terrible Twos’. And terrible is about right. Though TERROR-FILLED would describe my frequent state right now. His Granny likes to say he ‘gets the devil in him’. To me it would appear to be a whole host of devils and their entire entourage as well.
Bedtimes and mealtimes are an ongoing battle. Previously loved foods will no longer be touched. Toys are flung from his bed with enough force to give Russia’s top shot-putter a run for his money.
What should have been a two minute stroll back to our house took THIRTY FIVE minutes last week, with the boy at times spread-eagled across the very wet pavement refusing to get up, bawling and pounding his fists, and me steadfastly stood by him refusing to carry him home. (I did win eventually. But it took forever. Well, thirty-five minutes but it felt like forever with the entire street watching.)
Then occasionally, like today, my lovely boy returns and we laugh and play and he does everything I ask.
I cannot find the trigger. What makes good days good and bad days HORRIFIC?
What is happening?
Does anyone know?
I implore you my lovely readers, tell me what to do. I know many of you have survived your own childs early years and have lived to tell the tale. Please help.
Failing that, can someone pass the gin?
I don’t think this stage is very avoidable, sadly. They have to learn boundaries, they have to test them, they have to test the question, “what happens if I lay on this pavement and refuse to move?”, “what happens if I scream until I’m sick and then scream more?”. Having said all that, the thing that worked best for us, and still does, is absolutely firmness and total commitment to consistency. If you say something is going to happen e.g. toys away in 5 minutes, make sure it happens. If you say 5 minutes until bed, don’t negotiate etc. We found that if we let JD believe he could change his world by screaming, then scream he did, even if he didn’t really know what he wanted to change it to. When the world felt steady and fixed around him, he seemed far happier and very, very rarely had tantrums. Hope that helps. I might be talking out of my a*** of course – I’ve only been through it once!
Thanks honey. I am trying to stay firm but have been very close to breaking a few times just for some quiet. I know this won’t do either of us any favours in the long run though. I just cannot get over how exhausting it is and how many times a day I say, or hear, the word no 🙁
We are just entering this stage and Dylan is only 13 months. He was the lovely smiley child – happy constantly, and now it is a russian roulette as to whether he wakes up cute and cuddly or a monster. Good luck and hopefully see you the other side!
You too. Hang in there. *Passes gin*.
Yep. I hear you!!! Terribly patronising but “Keep Calm and Carry On” is the best thing you can do. And go you on the 35min tantrum and not giving in!! That will have been a milestone, I am sure. Things **will** get better…
I think children struggle with transitions. Infant to Baby, Baby to Toddler, Toddler to Child and just wait until Child to Teen hits you! He is growing up, that’s all. He needs to check what ALL the rules and boundaries are, whether they are the same as yesterday, and he is certain to disagree with some of them. Sounds like you are doing just fine.
Thank you. That is a very good point about each day being the same. I guess I must try and be consistent regardless of energy-(or lack of)levels. Thanks so much for commenting.
You know what they say: pride, comes before a fall.
He looks kind of… trouserless in that pic.
He is indeed trouserless…with wellies on. I am a terrible mother! 🙂
He has wellies. Why does he need trousers? 🙂
it takes longer to work out how to deal with this stage than the stage lasts. The advise you have been given about being firm and consistent is about the best advice there is. and if it is any consolation 12 is worse than 2
Mahaha I am not sure if that is consoling or not! Does it get any better inbetween?! Thanks for commenting honey. You always make me smile.
WE have all so been there and it is painful! Toddlers get so frustrated with the fact that they can’t always communicate I think and also there is an element of finding their feet and independence. All of that can really shock you, especially with your first. You just have to remember that it is a phase, they do come out the other end and every parent goes through it at some stage. Try and ignore it as much as you can and distraction is the best form of defence. Good luck xx
Thank you! We do rely on distraction A LOT. Sometimes I wonder if we are copping out a bit but it does generally make for a happier house. I am sure you are right and is just a phase. *Crosses fingers*.
I have no advice for you, sorry. As noobs to this parenting game Mrs L and I are yet to experience the majority of the challenging phases.
On the other hand, do you think perhaps you could go to sleep until he’s finished with it? 😉
Now I am liking that plan! If only eh. Looking forward to seeing you guys for some posh curry on Friday 🙂
Sorry to pimp one of my posts but I wrote about toddler tantrums last month and it might be helpful: http://www.chezmummy.com/2012/08/surviving-toddler-tantrums.html (however, the disclaimer is that this post is written based on my experiences alone!).
Sorry, I didn’t get to finish my comment! I think this is just a stage where children are realising they’re getting bigger and can do more things for themselves so they’re trying to be more independent. However, they don’t yet realise that they can’t do certain things because they’re too little. It can be so amazing when children start knowing their own minds but also so frustrating as well! Hope you get through it unscathed
Thanks so much. Have just read your post and commented. Great advice. Thanks again x
I am currently IN this stage. I resonate with your post on so many levels – so much so that tonight I think I will write a follow up post and link to you.
Thanks for a great read.
And keep the faith – we’ll get through this.
BTW I hopped here from the Love All Blogs email (yes it does produce new readers) 🙂
Liska xxx
Thanks Liska. And you have my empathy too! If you do write a post make sure to drop a link to it here so we can find it. Thanks so much for your comment and will try to keep the faith!
Oh. Yes – i totally get this. Beanzy is seventeen months tomorrow and already Im bored of toddler tantrums. He now stamps his feet whilst he grumbles and part of me just wants to laugh!!! How mean am i!?
I must confess I have laughed a bit too. You have to or I think we would go insane!
No advice at all I’m afraid. But I’m so with you on the 2 minute walks taking over 30. It can be so frustrating! The people at our nursery told us to just s—l—o—w right down because toddlers work at a different speed to us, and to make allowances for everything taking so much longer. Not always possible of course. Mine are five and three now – I love two-year olds! 😉