Today I feel like a very much absent parent.
I went to work today. Yep it is Saturday but needs must. The grandparents kindly stepped in to look after W.
I came home. I was greeted by much excitement and a walking boy.
I had missed his first steps.
Because I was at work.
I am heartbroken.
And angry.
Angry at myself for not being there.
Angry at my husband…for things that are mostly beyond his control so that is not fair.
Angry at the grandparents for not just lying to me, putting him to bed at his bedtime instead of waiting up to show me, and letting me think that it was happening for the first time tomorrow.
I am also excruciatingly sad.
Is that mad?
*Sobs*
Sometimes I JUST HATE being a working Mum. Today it sucks.
Big time.
Update: To my ‘Anonymous’ Commenter: Yes I would have loved to have been there and yes I feel bad that I put my own needs before that of my child. Only, I have to work for the house that he lives in and the life he has and will have. Like his Dad does. So, politely, sc**w you. I hope you feel better for your comments, and you can now relax in the knowledge that I feel EVEN MORE rubbish, Regards.
I have chosen not to publish this comment.
no hun you have summed up what parents up and down the country feel, that lifes a bummer and we cant enjoy all the pleasures in life….but may I add in your husbands defence…he missed this moment as well.
As for the grandparents they were probably just as excited to have witnessed this momentous occasion as you are devastated to have missed it.
Elaine, you are always the good, and rational, fairy in my ear. I know you are right.
But, having had three kids of their own, could they not have EASILY tempered their excitement and let me delude myself into having this moment with my boy.
Apparently not.
Or they would have.
Have also now fallen out with the husband.
Bad day all round.
Really was not worth going to work in the first place.
None of this is your fault by the way so apologies for the rant.
no apology needed. as for you anonymous commenter they are probably living on a minimum of £26000 a year at mine and your expense!!!!
I suppose I was fortunate, I child minded for a living back in the day it was much easier to do than now and didnt have to leave my kids ( people didnt want to look after disabled kids 30 odd years ago).
Im sure hubby forgives you
(((hugs)))
Oh I’m so sorry, that’s heartbreaking! I know it’s no consolation now but you won’t remember this years down the line but you will remember all the fun you’re going to have tomorrow helping him practice, sending him backwards and forwards between you and Mr B and seeing how proud he is of himself because he’s showing you what he can do.
T totally did his first unaided steps at nursery but they were quite subtle about it and allow me to remain in denial. This is probably because I once burst into tears on them when I was picking E up and they told me he’d said a word for the first time. I can’t even remember what word it was now but he didn’t have many at the time so I was feeling terrible that I was spending so much time at work and not enough with him to help him learn more.
Being a working mum really sucks sometimes but we’re doing it for the right reasons. x
I know.
But right now I don’t want to do it.
Is there a stop button? No.
We maybe did too well academically. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.
Aww that is rubbish, sorry that you’ve had such a rubbish day. It is so hard when you miss things like that, but it will all be better tomorrow when you see it for yourself! Sending big hugs!
Thanks honey x
Aww well done little man!
Don’t worry about it, you can’t always be their for their first everythings. Just be there when they need you, and that is what makes you a great mother xx
Thank you honey.
Aww big hugs – I’m so sorry you had to miss it but just remember this, you as his mummy have a unique bond that no one else ever will. There will be lots more special moments you share together I promise x
Oh I’m so sorry you missed at and I am even more sorry they told you, it would have been so much kinder to not let on. However, as Cat says, long term the time spent practising will be just as special. xx
Thanks honey.
I really feel for you. I’m finding it very difficult being a working mum again and it really does suck at times. You must remember that you are working for the right reasons, although I know it’s very hard to tell yourself that when you miss something like this. I’ve recently had a ‘first’ taken away from me by one set of grandparents and it can be so upsetting. Take heart in the fact that you will have immense fun teaching him how build on what he has learnt today. Before you know it, you’ll be having so much fun running around together and playing games.
Sending big hugs x
Thank you.
Feel like a total prat but can’t stop crying.
Just feel rubbish.
Your feelings are totally valid. I’d do what Emily suggests and have a really special day out, just you and your son (and maybe the husband if he deserves it!). Always remember that you are number one in your little boy’s life, everything he does is for you.
And to any nasty anonymous commenters, please have the courage of your convictions to put your name to your opinions. Working mums have it hard; we want to be at home with our children but have to work to provide a roof over their heads and food on the table. Give us a break.
Oh I totally agree with you,the grandparents should hv shown more sensitivity.I hope if Im ever a grandparent I will use a modicome of sensibility and pretend I hadn’t seen events that mums want to see first! (( hugs sent over to you ))
Sometimes it’s hard being a working mum :-/ but sometimes needs must,end of. Xxxxxxx
Thanks Jess. Am feeling a bit devastated. Mr B doesn’t get why.
We do what we have to do. Sometimes it sucks. Anonymous commenters know naff all 🙂
Thanks lovely x
🙁 Ok, I know it feels HORRIBLE right now. I know you probably have that pit of your stomach, skin tingling anger about it all, but from one working mum to another, I promise you, it will feel better. xxx
When? Thanks though honey x
For me? Days to not feel awful – but it feels like longer. Weeks to be able to think about it without getting angry, just sad. And then after a while it’s only something that feels bad when you remember it bundled up with everything else that sucks about being a working parent.
Book out a special day out just you and the little man. Have an experience that it just his and yours. It helps.
And an angry note to those reading/commenting who have no sympathy for mums who work because they should be in the home: F*** you. You haven’t a clue how real life works and the pain of being the main/vital breadwinner, having to give up precious time with your family to keep that family fed and safe. Seriously, f*** you.
I’m pretty certain Z did his first steps for my mum and dad but they dont really mention it and I prefer to stay in denial. They also taught him “light” and he doesn’t say mama yet so there is a part of me that hurts if I let myself think about it too much. BUT I am the one he comes to when he is not feeling too well, wants a cuddle at night and i taught him where his book corner is, and who thought we were “one” for ages. I’ve missed a couple of big firsts but I try to think of it as his “first proper” steps now….which ofcourse, he does for me.
This does actually make me feel a bit better. Thank you. Am a whingey, moaning, tearful mess but that makes me think I should at least try and blow my nose 😉 Thanks honey x
Whoever that anonymous commenter was can get a fricking life.
*Big hugs*, you may have missed the first few but you’ll be the one getting all the ones with arms open wide for the next ten years at least – till you are too embarrassing to be seen with 😉
Thanks Annie x
(((hugs))) am sorry you missed it.
If it comes as any comfort I missed my little boy swim his first width all by himself and I’m a full time SAHM.
As to your anonymous poster you know it’s just a troll otherwise they wouldn’t feel the need to be anon – don’t feed them.
Am not that sure it was. *Paranoid face*.
They really aren’t worth wasting your precious time worrying about (easier said than done I know). x
Ouch. I can imagine it is upsetting but not something you can blame on yourself.
The anonymous commenter was a complete penis as well. If you gave up your job it would mean considering selling your house in a time when no-one is buying, inflation is on the rise, etc.
aw how annoying for you, I can’t imagine how hard that was but it could have equally have happened to a non working mum who left the baby with daddy or grandma for a days rest bite. You are doing what is best for your family and you can stand up and feel proud of that.
How are you doing – I want to give you such a big hug! I am sorry this happened, I always dreaded missing something because I was in work. I hope W has taken lots of brilliant steps for you over the last few days and you’ve enjoyed taking him for his first walk in the garden, park, at the beach, etc. You have a lifetime of milestones & firsts ahead of you with W; there is going to be so much that he will achieve that totally astounds you! You won’t get to see them all happen the first time, especially when he’s in school, but you will still enjoy & relish them all. Take care. xx
Awwwww hunnie :(( I’m wearing my sad face for you – that just sucks.
But, it is AWESOME you have a walker, and I’m sending you a BIG (((sqquueeeezzee))) and much love xxx
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could be completely omnipresent eh? Whilst you may have missed his official first steps, when you see him walk it will still be your first time seeing him walk which is just as special. And then there will be all the other firsts to look forward to! 🙂