Eurovision: The edited version

So, for those of you who missed it last night, here is a quick round-up of what happened at last nights Eurovision…

1. UK: The Hump gave a lovely, but soon to be forgotten, performance dressed all in black.
2. Hungary: Some leathered up boys sing a dodgy power ballad accompanied by the obligatory 40-something over-enthusiastic keyboard player.
3. Albania: THERE’S A SNAKE ON YOUR CHEST, A SNAKE!!!!!   Oh, wait.  It’s your hair.
4. Lithuania:  Love is blind, and also apparently deaf.  Would have been so much funnier if everyone left before he took his blindfold off.
5. Bosnia and Herzegovina: Elle MacPherson lookalike reminded me I really need to pluck my eyebrows.
6. Russia: Who could resist a bunch of Grannies, in their slippers singing “come on and dance boom boom.”  Plus I think they may have made biscuits.  Smart.
7. Iceland: Ken sings to Goth-Barbie
8. Cyprus:  The dress was small and there was bouncing.  Mr B put his paper down for the first time all night.
9. France: Jean Paul Gaultier and gymnasts.  What’s not to like?
10. Italy: Amy Winehouse lookey likey…only healthier
11. Estonia: I think I dropped off
12. Norway: Zzzzzzz
13. Azerbaijan:  Appropriately titled “When the music dies”.  It just did.
14. Romania:  The Venga Boys go for a moonwalk, and I think they stole Gok Wan.
15. Denmark:  Art students.  “Should have known better”…Well DUH!
16. Greece:  I know there is a financial crisis but it would appear their budget ran out halfway through making her dress.
17. Sweden: CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN IN MC HAMMER PANTS DOING THE CRAB WALK!  GENIUS!
18. Turkey:  This is what happens when you cross Twilight with the cast of Fiddler on the Roof.
19. Spain:  I think her bun may have been holding her face-up.
20. Germany: Berlinieber.
21. Malta: Fancy footwork from a guy wearing one yellow leather fingerless glove…actually that now sounds kind of creepy.
22. Macedonia:  She just made it in time, got held up at the office, didn’t have time to change.
23. Ireland:  Jedward.  Kind of hilarious watching two twins so COMPLETELY out of sync.  The irony.  On the plus side they will fetch a good price from ‘Cash for Gold’.
24. Serbia: Sorry, still doubled up from Jedward, missed it.
25. Ukraine: Nice showercap.
26. Moldova:  Ed Norton did a little jig wearing Lederhosen.  Nice.

So there you have it folks. What a night!

Congrats to Claudia though.  You rocked.  HAMMER TIME