So, you thought getting out of the house was tricky with kids?
You have already packed a million and one things for just two nights away. You have defied the laws of physics and somehow managed to squeeze both the bouncy-chair AND the buggy into the boot. The kids have been wrestled into their car seats and, belts having finally been retrieved from toddlers mouths, beneath bottoms or detached from coat-linings snagging fabric along the way, (delete as applicable), they are actually strapped in too.
Now you are faced with a two and a half hour journey, traffic allowing, just you, himself and the smalls.
Think you are ready?
Below is a preparatory check-list that I advise you to peruse before even considering to undertake this mission.
- It may help to adapt yourself to the audio-battering that is about to commence prior to setting off. In the days beforehand I would suggest using your car key to place a deep scratch the full width of your least favourite CD and then play continually for two and a half hours. If you manage to get the same line repeated for over an hour you are along the right lines.
- Ask a work colleague if, on your lunch break of course, they would mind repeatedly kicking the back of your chair for an hour. Preparation is key.
- Plan your route allowing for a toilet-break at least once every twenty minutes for the first hour, and at approximately five minutes away from your actual destination.
- Ensure you know the rules of ‘I-spy’ toddler-style. If they happen to spy something beginning with ‘Sky’, you do still have to guess. Apparently.
- Prepare several hundred answers to ‘Are we nearly there yet?’ in advance, and then pick your favourites at will.
- For God’s sake check that you have got reliable breakdown cover. And gin. (The latter only if you are not behind the wheel and do NOT share with the driver, no matter how much he begs.)
So, ready yet?
Fear not. I asked some fellow parent bloggers for their best tips also. Here is what they said:
Mummy Barrow: “Send the kids in a taxi. Then go by train.”
Mummy Alarm: “Co-ordinate drives with their nap times and never take them on a long trip without healthy snacks and drinks.”
The Crazy Kitchen: “Healthy snacks, are you kidding? Fill them with sugar and after the initial nightmare rush they fall asleep.”
Keynko: “Pack drugs, and in emergency situations a mallet.”
Damson Lane: ” Bring plastic bags (for sick), tissues and kitchen roll (for mopping up sick), and a change of clothes for everyone (for when the kids are all sick).”
Me and my Shadow: “Learn to recognise the ‘sick face’. It’s a bit like the ‘poo face’ but paler. Perfect your emergency stop and learn how to release the seat straps in a nano second. Also practice your child hold technique for lay-by wees avoiding your shoes.”
And with those wise words I will leave you. I do hope that this has been of service and may I wish you a safe trip. And should you complete your mission successfully may I offer you a huge, congratulatory, virtual hug. If you reconsider your mission, no-one will judge you. Promise.
Disclosure: This post is brought to you in association with the AA however all words are my own, or those of the aforementioned bloggers…and not entirely serious.