As you may have guessed from the title of this post I might just be a little grumpy today. But, dear reader, it is not without good reason.
Yep, you guessed it, I am in pain.
Now I know what you are thinking but, no, this is not just any old pain, this is PROPER pain. At the grand old age of
thirty-five *coughs* twenty-one I have been struck down not once, but TWICE in the last month with tonsillitis. Tonsillitis, can you believe it? It is something that primary school children are generally affected with no? Not adults, surely?
I am sure I remember being hugely envious of a certain pig-tailed and precocious Laura from my youth who, aged six and three quarters, not only got to miss more than a week of school but apparently was fed exclusively ice-cream for a month…or something like that. Oh how I longed for this exotic, mysterious lurgy to infest itself in my own little throat but could I catch it? No. I couldn’t.
Apparently I have been struck down with this before, sometime in the beer-fuelled haze that was freshers fortnight at uni. I had also simultaneously contracted glandular fever though so spent the entire episode unconscious in the warmth of my parents home and missed the entire thing.
No such luck this time. I am all too aware of every throat-wrenching, ear-splitting minute of it.
This is what the wondrous inter-wibble had to say about the symptoms of tonsillitis in adults:
“A sore throat.”
Are you ****ing kidding me? Sore throat? Try ‘the sensation of swallowing huge shards of throat-shredding glass that worsens with every single gulp’.
Wait, there’s more…
- High temperature (fever) over 38C…*Feels a bit warm and fumbles hopelessly for elusive thermometer. Sweats a bit.*
- Coughing….No shit Sherlock
- Headache….Yes, oh yes. *Wipes fevered brow.*
- Feeling tired…I have two kids. Difficult to blame this ENTIRELY.
- Pain in the ears… Not quite. Try ‘The sensation of being stabbed multiple times in the ear canal with a pointy skewer upon each and every swallow.’
- Loss of voice or changes to your voice…*Croaks quietly and nods.*
So, after my second visit to the GP in almost as many weeks I have been given these, *Rattles pills*.
I am now terrified that this is going to keep on recurring and that, if so, they might send me for the snip. They wouldn’t really though would they? Surely these throbbing, swollen, pus-ridden, pain-inducing organs serve some vital function that I can’t survive without…..don’t they?
Well, the inter-wibble says:
“A main function of tonsils is to trap germs (bacteria and viruses) which you may breathe in. Proteins called antibodies produced by the immune cells in the tonsils help to kill germs and help to prevent throat and lung infections.”
So, yeah, great job tonsils…*weeps some more.*
Lovely readers, please cheer me up. Survivors of this dreaded affliction please tell me how you made it through. Those who have been surgically altered, please share.
Do you know I think I might just be getting man-flu too…